“I have approximate answers and possible beliefs and
If that quote made any sense at all to you, keep reading. If not, you've got your life figured out and you probably won't relate to this blog post. My 20th birthday just passed and as I enter this new decade of my life, the questions demand answers. Let's take it to the front-lines: I'm a 20 year old Bible-college drop out who loves Jesus, music and photography. I've been told that if I "want to make anything of myself" I need to do this + that.. and I'm just going to take the suggestions of becoming a nurse, payroll clerk, or computer technician as just another way of saying that I can't possibly be successful doing any of the things listed above - you know, the things I've actually got a thing for.
I feel like Richard Feynman must have known me in another life... and I also believe that he had an incredibly deep understanding of the beauty of uncertainty - one that many people miss out on. As an ex-college student in America, currently reaping the consequences of the oh-so-helpful student loans, I am always battling anxiety concerning my future. On top of that, I'm battling more anxiety because anxiety itself makes me anxious. You feel me?
If you asked me when I was 17 where I would be in three years I would've said, "working an awesome job, making an unbelievable amount of money, and living in my own apartment because I am I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T." (Who else can't help but sing it?)
The truth is: I am a server, I make an average amount of money, and my life is everything but "put together."
I spend most nights staying up until 3am convincing myself that my life will be over if my bank account isn't in quadruple digits because "what if's" have scared me into hiding. Believe me, I have asked myself every question you could think to ask me about my future, but still my answer remains...
I have not a single clue.
My life is a paradox - I'm both a dreamer and a realist. They don't always line up but they both get their space in my thoughts. I know what I want to do and I am currently up at 3:34am trying to make it happen, but I can only guarantee that I give it all my best. I cannot guarantee that I will be successful, I can only trust that my hard work will be seen and honored, and for the first time in my life I don't fear the uncertainty.
If you just-so-happen to feel similarly, be encouraged. There are things in this life that you cannot change or affect - no matter what you do, but know that there is a plan for you, carefully crafted by the creator Himself, and nothing you can or cannot do will disqualify you from fulfilling it to the fullest.